


anchor

by waveydnp



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Depression, Established Relationship, Introspection, M/M, Napping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-30 10:03:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13949247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waveydnp/pseuds/waveydnp
Summary: phil holds dan in place, even when he's asleep





	anchor

Dan closes out his doc when he feels like his eyes are surely moments away from trickling tears of blood. It’s only half two but he’s been staring at his laptop for days now. For weeks, trying to script this goddamn video. 

It has to be big. It has to set the tone. This video will inform the people’s opinion of him for the year to come. It will determine his worth as a writer, as a video maker… as a person.

At least, that’s how it feels. He can try to take a step back and tell himself that’s rubbish, most people will like him whether he hits all three points on the bloody triangle or not, but the thought always returns, clawing at the back of his mind like a feral dog. 

He untangles himself from the warmth of his fluffy blanket and hauls himself off the sofa and up the stairs. He knows what he needs, and it’s not to be alone with his thoughts.

He needs Phil. 

Unfortunately what Phil needs right now is sleep, and that’s exactly what he’s getting, tucked up in the soft grey of their sheets, snoring gently and clutching a pillow to his chest. He always has to be cradling something in unconsciousness--usually it’s Dan, but when napping solo in the middle of the day, a pillow makes a somewhat decent stand-in. 

Dan doesn’t even entertain the idea of waking him. He may ask a lot on his bad days, but he’s not a selfish bastard. Phil had only just gotten over the nausea sometime yesterday evening. Now he’s just exhausted. His skin is quite possibly the most translucent Dan’s ever seen it, his eyes ringed with blue bruises, his cheekbones just that little bit sharper. 

So he drags the moon chair up to Phil’s side of the bed and sits in it, pulling his knees up and resting his chin between them. He hugs his legs and stares at Phil, watches him breathe in and out and feels his own chest slowly relax.

He won’t climb into bed right now, as much as he’d like to. He’ll just sit for a while, just for a little while, until the panic and the fear have subsided.

In some ways this is actually better. Phil is so peaceful in sleep, and the stillness is comforting. Dan doesn’t have to see the concern in Phil’s eyes or pretend he’s handling things better than he really is. 

Sometimes all he needs is to know that Phil is there. Sometimes all it takes to calm the crashing of the waves is to look at Phil’s face and know that he’ll be there to hold Dan down. Forever. No matter what. No matter how hard he’s being tugged this way and that, by thoughts he didn’t ask for and feelings he doesn’t want to feel, all he really needs is to know that Phil is there, always-- even in sleep-- to keep him from drifting away. 

**Author's Note:**

> @waveydnp on tumblr :) come say hi

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[podfic] anchor](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13995582) by [Fiannly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fiannly/pseuds/Fiannly)




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